"Sometimes, a man has to steal an animatronic badger to stay in this crazy game called life" - Grunkle Stan [Gravity Falls]
LionsGate is trying to pull off a Summerween marketing campaign and all I can think is LionsGate needs to shut the hell up since they really don't have the good will among horror fans [at least the fans I know] to get away with this.
I know some of my readers might not understand where the term comes from or why this angers me to the point of writing a rant about this, Google defines Summerween as "Summerween is an unofficial holiday that combines Halloween traditions with summer activities" and was a term coined in 2012 by animator/comic artist Alex Hirsch for his paranormal comedy series Gravity Falls that was inescapable during its peak and was good.
The normal ways to celebrate are watermelon jackolanterns, Summer Horror Marathons and just having fun; so imagine my blood boiling disgust that LionsGate would think they're able to talk about Horror when they left the genre to die out.
Hell I can count on a single hand the good LionsGate Horror films and the majority of those films no longer belong to LionsGate.
Let's talk about the few films that LionsGate still owns that would make a good SummerWeen marathon and then the films they lost or that belong to other studios, now I'll do my best to not spoil plot points but let's get going.
- CUBE/CUBE 2: HyperCube
CUBE was released in 1997 and was sadly a fantastic film originally handled by Trimark Pictures and Cineplex Odeon Films who then lost the rights to LionsGate.
The plot is basically a group of strangers who wake up in a series of matching rooms 26 rooms high, 26 rooms across but sadly for them the rooms are able to move and change, making it near impossible to find their way out.
The films were amazing and really the only good instalments are CUBE and its sequel CUBE 2: Hyper Cube as the prequel CUBE ZERO and the Japanese remake really didn't give anything.
Personally I'd end the marathon on the CUBE films as they're just mindless fun.
- SAW 2/3/4
Some might be wondering why I put 2 to 4 on my list, well I am sorry, while SAW 1 was good and the Hackl era was enjoyable, what drew me in was namely the Nerve Gas House alongside the Gideon Meatpacking Plant games.
The basic plot of SAW 2 is a corrupt cop, Detective Matthews, is forced to watch a "Game" that takes place within the "Nerve Gas House" located above SAW 1's bathroom. The "Players" of the "Nerve Gas House" are people that Detective Matthews arrested and planted evidence on.
There are though two outsiders, returning Jigsaw victim Amanda Young, who was sent to prison by Detective Matthews, alongside Detective Matthews' own son Daniel.
SAW 3 and SAW 4 are set during the exact same night within the Gideon Meat Packing Plant, a plant that John Kramer named after his unborn son. This is the final game of Kramer's alongside two of his apprentices who intend to carry on his twisted games into the future.
Personally I am ranking this high mostly because while it's clear Director and Writer Darren Lynn Bousman did something amazing, his heart wasn't totally in it, as can be seen in my blog post related to his actual passion projects.
Now some are likely asking "But isn't this owned by LionsGate?" Well not anymore, Blumhouse alongside Atomic Monster have been taking over LionsGate's cut in the SAW franchise.
- Young Frankenstein [1974]
Have you ever wondered what happened to Dr. Frankenstein's family and the kind of shame it carries into the future? Well this horror comedy is my favourite Frankenstein film, sorry, I know the originals were great but there's just something about Gene Wilder as Dr. Frankenstein's grandson who's had to deal with the shame his whole life.
Now I know some people might not enjoy the fact the film was made in black and white but you really can't do a colour Frankenstein film as part of the cinematography comes from how the shadows work in setting the world.
Now this might make or break the film for you but the film is from the unhinged comedic mind of Mel "Blazing Saddles" Brooks, yes that is how he was branded in the original trailer.
This would be a good film to put in the middle of your marathon as a palate cleanser.
- Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn [1987]
Ever wanna see the Original Chainsaw Man? Well look no further than Ash J. Williams and this honestly is the peak point in Ash's life, before he was fully comedic but where we can already see him slowly using humour to handle what is going on around him.
Now Evil Dead 2 is a film you can watch without the first film as the second film's opening act is a condensed retelling just filmed from scratch, as Sam Raimi [Spider-Man and Dr. Strange in The Multiverse Of Madness] was unable to get the rights to his own original footage.
- M3GAN [2022]
This is what happens when you decide to give a machine the primary function of protecting a child who lost her parents alongside a constant quest for self-improvement. M3GAN 2.0 had more action than horror but the first film is straight out horror.
M3GAN [pronounced Megan], her name is taken from the fact she's the 3rd generation generative android [Model 3 Generative ANdroid] implying there were failed versions that came before her which could make for a great prequel. I would have enjoyed seeing M2GAN and M1GAN but for now I loved what we got.
If not for the films further on this list I would have ranked M3GAN higher.
The plot of M3GAN was co-created by Akela Cooper who's known for 2018's Hell Fest and 2021's Malignant along with being a staff writer for two seasons of Grimm.
The other half of the film's story came from the creator of Insidious and The Conjuring Universe alongside being one half of the 2003 Leigh Whannell short film that would be bought by LionsGate to create the base for the SAW Franchise.
Personally I am excited to see Soulm8te, the upcoming M3GAN spinoff film slated for some future date.
- Obsession [2026]
So this was the most recent film on my list but this is something you really need to watch in a dark room with proper settings. The plot of Obsession is simple: Bear (Michael Johnston), a hapless music store employee buys a supernatural item from a gag shop and wishes for his friend Nikki (Inde Navarrette) to love him back "more than anything."
Of course we get a monkey paw situation where he gets the wish but he needed to learn how to word things better. This is why you need someone like me who's dealt with narcissistic and egotistical family members, I often joked that kind of childhood is why if it turns out genies are real I would have no issue getting what I want, since I'd know how to get the letter of the wish rather than the spirit of the wish.
Even people who follow my social media might recall my reply to a Chainsaw Man fan account saying "Please, Chainsaw Man, eat the Cancer Devil" to which I pointed out the vagueness would be an issue.
The biggest issue I had with the film though, getting back on track, is that Bear keeps trying to leave her. Seriously, he had his wish and should have just taken his lumps.
- Repo! The Genetic Opera (2007/2008)
So this one I wasn't sure if I should include on the list but with news from outlets like INVERSE:
"We are in the process right now of unwinding the stage show rights from LionsGate"
I debated whether to include it, but then I remembered...this is my list so I can talk about whatever the hell I want to talk about.
Many don't know that before being known as "The SAW Guy" Darren Lynn Bousman was also known as a director of Music Videos and stage productions, he even only took SAW 2 so he could get a film adaptation of Repo! The Genetic Opera [a stage show he directed] made.
Repo! is the story of two broken men who grieve the loss of their beloveds in very different ways, whether it's the cold mobster CEO Rotti Largo played by Paul Sorvino or the talented Anthony Stewart Head who got to play Nathan Wallace, a broken Repo Man forced to function as Rotti's enforcer.
All the while Rotti and Nathan have to deal with the fact that Rotti might very well be the father of Nathan's daughter, due to Rotti's fiancée running away to marry Nathan and leaving Rotti at the altar.
The film's outer coating is this amazing cyberpunk dystopia but I can't spoil too much.
The film can be best described as the unholy hybrid of Blade Runner meets Rocky Horror Picture Show which honestly fits perfectly.
Now I am a bit biased as I've used the IRC handle ZYDRATE for ages and somehow ended up with a former REPO website that had expired as my vanity email address.
I might recommend holding off watching the film as they're currently working on a 4K ATMOS steelbook set for release in September.
- Alleluia! The Devil's Carnival (2015)
Have you ever wondered what if Heaven was rotten under its glitter and shining utopia imagery? What if Hell refused to cause suffering of the innocent? What if a war was brewing to take Heaven?
Then this might be the movie for you; this film has amazing songs from the beautifully dark minds of Saar Hendelman [American Murder Songs] and Terrance Zdunich [Repo! The Genetic Opera].
Terrance Zdunich isn't the only Repo! alumni returning for this macabre battle of Heaven and Hell either, Paul Sorvino plays God, Terrance Zdunich plays Lucifer alongside both Bill Moseley and Nivek Ogre taking roles as Carnies in Hell. I don't wanna spoil much but the music and acting is amazing.
So yeah, Summerween is a time for marathons but sure as hell it's not LionsGate films. Also can it be 2027 already? I wanna play the new "Flesh & Wire" psychological horror game by next Summerween.
Honestly that could be my next article now that I think of it, what I'd want from "Flesh & Wire", knowing full well who "The Dead Man (will know its sting)" is referencing.